TTC Day 1

The hubs and I have been trying for a baby for a year now.  I've been off birth control for over 2 years.  We have had no luck.  Granted, a lot of it is probably because our schedules don't match up with the prime baby making times.  We both had tests done and everything is normal.(at least I think it is..even though I'm a rn...some of the fertility tests were confusing).  All my labs were at the low end of normal. We go to the infertility doctor next Friday.  Hopefully, we can get some answers.  I also hope the doctor takes aggressive approach and just doesn't say lose weight and have sex more. 

I also start part time work this Friday.  Work is stressful because there is practically no nurses who work my shift.  I'm basically on my feet for 8 hours.  I'm also going back to school for my masters. 

I really hope with the extra time and decreased stress levels (and possibly some help with medications), we will be pregnant within a couple months.  I also hope it'll help me lose weight.  The last time I was successful with weight watchers, I was doing online only and lost 30 pounds.  I'm intrigued by the new ww program coming out (the online tracker has a lot more nutrition information needed to calculate points).

I just need to do it. 

Starting over

I read thru all my previous blog posts.  It was me bitching and trying to justify why I am fat and why I eat so much.

I just need to face it...I'm fat because I'm lazy.  I just don't want to put the hard work in to lose weight.  I deleted all the blog posts and am going to start fresh.

I found a cheesy coffee mug at the dollar store.  it says get motivated in pink letters on one side.  On the other side, it has an outline of a chick running.  It's the little things, I suppose.

Life update : I'm still working away for my boo thang.  It sucks. We just celebrated our 1st wedding anniversary!  I'm trying desperately to get a job in the bay area (well since last Thursday.  I haven't heard anything yet..sad face.  We aren't trying to prevent a baby but aren't actively trying (I did take ovulation tests last month and it said I did ovulate.  Not sure how reliable the tests are.  I still weigh 282.5 pounds.  I did get down to 273 but then e took 3 weeks off work so I gained it all back.  Lots of eating out.  My family is good. My crazy estranged bitch cunt of sister still isn't talking to the family.  And tbh...no one cares. I'm still always tired and always hungry.  Last time I had my lab tests everything was normal. 

I am back on weight watchers online.  It was the only thing that every worked for me.  So I'm going to try it again.

I am going to do it this time.  I have to.