Happy 2016!!

I've decided to follow the Kardashian route and have goals instead of resolutions.

2016 goals
1. Lose weight...I'm not going to put a number on how much I want to lose.  I just want to lose weight until the hubs and I get pregnant.   I'm hoping it'll be in March  ( we will probably have to do ivf or iui ...iui only if his sperm counts and motility go up).

2. Eat healthy.  I am doing weight watchers new program.  It seems more restrictive than the previous program but I think my body will respond very well to it.

3.  Exercise daily.... I'll probably do couch 25k again..  I will also do weight training and yoga or pilates.

4. No more soda ( diet or regular)!!! I have been a soda drinking feen.  It's definitely showing.  Eczema break outs all over my back and chest.

5.  Do well in school.  I start my msn in nursing leadership and management next week.

TTC Days 2, 3 (TMI for some)

Weight: 282.4

Day 2:  The two backed beast was made.  However, it was a period day so I wasn't expecting it to end with a baby being made.  However, I need to get in the mindset that sex is for fun too.  I think the past year was so consumed with sex being for making a baby that I didn't really enjoy it.  I was just too worried if it was going to take or not.  I need to stop focusing on that.  I need to concentrate on me and hubs.  We need to get healthy, lose weight and just enjoy life. I think that'll help.  Plus me going part time and being home more.  And not being as tired. I hope.

Day 3.

I am at my parents.  I have to work today.  Boooooooooooo.  I really dislike work.  Especially the p.o.s I work with today.  He loves to snitch on other nurses.  However, he just looks stupid because he doesn't research before he snitches to DON or the RP.  Then he looks stupid.  oh well. I am just going to study. I start (hopefully) start Grad school in January.  I really want to brush up on my anatomy, math, english (I am a terrible writer), and nursing skills/info) before then.  I also want to start learning Spanish and Hungarian.

I can't wait for it to be Friday.  I really want to know whats up with me.  I hope the Dr just doesn't say lose weight and have sex more.  I have been 30 pounds lighter and making the poon every other day and nothing has happened.  Plus, I haven't been on birth control since December 2013.  There has been no baby.  I think something is wrong.  Some of the tests that kaiser ran are confusing.  Like my estradiol.  It says that mine is <50 but it doesnt tell me what that means.  On other sites it gives a range. 30 to 400.  So what is mine?  I am guessing that is one of the reasons I am having trouble conceiving.   I don't really want to hormone replacement therapy.  But I am planning to get my boobs and lady bits cut out when I reach a certain age anyway. so I guess it doesn't really matter too much in the greater scheme of things.  I just want a child with my hubs so badly.  There is something that just won't feel complete if we don't have children.  At least 1.  I wanted 3 but I will settle with 1 if that is all I can have.

TTC Day 1

The hubs and I have been trying for a baby for a year now.  I've been off birth control for over 2 years.  We have had no luck.  Granted, a lot of it is probably because our schedules don't match up with the prime baby making times.  We both had tests done and everything is normal.(at least I think it is..even though I'm a rn...some of the fertility tests were confusing).  All my labs were at the low end of normal. We go to the infertility doctor next Friday.  Hopefully, we can get some answers.  I also hope the doctor takes aggressive approach and just doesn't say lose weight and have sex more. 

I also start part time work this Friday.  Work is stressful because there is practically no nurses who work my shift.  I'm basically on my feet for 8 hours.  I'm also going back to school for my masters. 

I really hope with the extra time and decreased stress levels (and possibly some help with medications), we will be pregnant within a couple months.  I also hope it'll help me lose weight.  The last time I was successful with weight watchers, I was doing online only and lost 30 pounds.  I'm intrigued by the new ww program coming out (the online tracker has a lot more nutrition information needed to calculate points).

I just need to do it. 

Back in the bay

I finally got a job in the bay area.  Started the job 6/2.  Went to weight watchers meeting 6/7.  I went to the gym for a week straight and then did c25k program for one day.  And haven't been to ww, gym, or jogging since.

I have no excuses.  I'm just being lazy.  My job isn't as tiring and I don't go to work til 2 pm.  If I get up at 8 I have plenty of time to work out.

So here's to a new day ( and it happens to be on my weigh in day)

Starting weight  (nekkid! On my home scale) : 285.7

Workout plan for week
Sunday: 20 minute plates
Monday: gym after work
Tuesday : couch 2 5k w1 d1. Pilates
Wednesday: cleaning out a room to prepare it for all the crap coming from the rental.
Thursday:  hike, finish cleaning the room. Pilates
Friday: c25l w1d2
Saturday: gym plates

Foodwise...I just need to stop eating fast food or dinner out.  And most definitely stop drinking coke.

I do feel like I can actually lose weight if I can just start jogging consistently.  So here it goes!!!!

Starting over

I read thru all my previous blog posts.  It was me bitching and trying to justify why I am fat and why I eat so much.

I just need to face it...I'm fat because I'm lazy.  I just don't want to put the hard work in to lose weight.  I deleted all the blog posts and am going to start fresh.

I found a cheesy coffee mug at the dollar store.  it says get motivated in pink letters on one side.  On the other side, it has an outline of a chick running.  It's the little things, I suppose.

Life update : I'm still working away for my boo thang.  It sucks. We just celebrated our 1st wedding anniversary!  I'm trying desperately to get a job in the bay area (well since last Thursday.  I haven't heard anything yet..sad face.  We aren't trying to prevent a baby but aren't actively trying (I did take ovulation tests last month and it said I did ovulate.  Not sure how reliable the tests are.  I still weigh 282.5 pounds.  I did get down to 273 but then e took 3 weeks off work so I gained it all back.  Lots of eating out.  My family is good. My crazy estranged bitch cunt of sister still isn't talking to the family.  And tbh...no one cares. I'm still always tired and always hungry.  Last time I had my lab tests everything was normal. 

I am back on weight watchers online.  It was the only thing that every worked for me.  So I'm going to try it again.

I am going to do it this time.  I have to.